It's hard for me to unwind at night, especially after a trip. Rusty was already asleep when I came in so I pulled out my laptop. I clicked on my inbox and went about my typical process for reading e-mails. I scan and delete what appears to be junk and come back to the others. Depending on my mood, sometimes I read the good stuff on the spot. But if I have other things to do or if I’m distracted, I usually wait until later to get into the weightier communications.
As I performed my electronic ritual, my mind wandered to Dustin. His departure is so close at hand that the time can just as easily be measured in hours as in days. And with each hour that passes, my mental clock ticks away in harsh cacophony.
TICK . . . He will no longer be in his homeland.
TOCK . . . I will have no physical access to him.
TICK . . . Days--maybe even weeks--will pass when I won't hear from him.
TOCK . . . Is he ready--not just physically, but emotionally, and more importantly, spiritually?
Despite the apprehension of Dustin's looming departure, I decided to go back to the more substantive e-mails because I wasn't ready to sleep and I was hoping to silence the ticking in my brain by finding something worthy of my attention--a more productive distraction.
I get several short devotionals every day, and I opened one that referenced Psalm 144:1 Blessed be the LORD my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight . . .
When David penned this verse, he was looking for strength for a specific purpose. And in the wee hours of this morning, so was I. While my initial reading of the passage reminded me of the physical battle that Dustin is facing, I soon realized that I, too, need preparation. And I need to be far better equipped than I am at this moment.
My faith is strong, but neither Dustin nor I will get through this experience by trusting in our strength alone. More than a year ago, Dustin volunteered to serve and I've known for quite a while that he would be deployed last month. But I must admit that I did not use that time wisely. I have not been laying the groundwork for the war I will wage.
Before soldiers officially move to the battleground, a lot of training takes place. For the past six weeks or so, Dustin has been preparing to fight the enemy. He has been in training to do battle with those who hate our country.
But the soldier’s mom spent the first two weeks Dustin was gone fretting and crying. Then, I seemed to get a grip on my emotions and I was finally able to talk about his deployment without breaking down. And then, this week rolled around—THE WEEK! The trip to Pinehurst came out of nowhere, and I was more than eager to find something to occupy my thoughts—something other than war and the clock ticking in my head.
Oh, I’ve been praying for Dustin every day. I’ve been praying for strength constantly. But now, I realize how ridiculous my prayers must seem. Here I sit asking the Lord to guide my footsteps, but I am not moving my feet! It seems I’ve just expected strength to report for duty but I have not done much to put my hands to war or my fingers to fight.
God does not expect us to simply bask in the glow of His power supply. What gives me the right to ask for an increase in strength when I’m not even using the over abundance of grace that He has already given?
I’m a Christian Soldier, and I must not forget that the Lord is my ever-present strength. He will not be found by trusting in myself. In fact, if I was putting feet on my prayers, I wouldn’t even need to be reminded of His power! I may be fearful but He will never lack courage! He will always expect--and win--the victory!
David didn’t just call on the Lord for strength. In his prayer, he reminded himself that he is in constant need of instruction from the Teacher. The Teacher . . .
Yes, Dustin is prepared to do battle physically. But he—and his mom—must put on the full armor of God. Our chosen weapon is not an AK-47 but the sword of the Spirit. No tactical guide, no amount of discipline, no training can compare to the Divine Text Book that lays out the military tactics of the war of all wars. The spiritual warfare that pits God against Satan.
In God’s Word, Satan’s methods of attack are chronicled. We know the devil’s every tactical maneuver and we don’t even need a covert spy to disclose this information to us! Even the weapons he uses against us are right there!
Around 2 AM, I felt calmer, less apprehensive. I felt a sense of renewal and purpose. And I started moving my feet!
To be continued . . .