I love musicals! Musical theater, movie musicals, I love them all! I know some people just can't get into musicals--something about a routine scene and then people bursting into song just drives them nuts. But honestly, don't we all have times when we wish life was like that? Times when a song was the resolution to our problems or the way we celebrated something wonderful? 

My brain works a little like a musical production. Seriously! There are so many times when a song comes to me and it is not a conscious choice. I know for certain that God uses music to speak to me because it's the language I best understand. It's the easiest way to reach me and through a song, I hear His voice more clearly.

When I am troubled, usually a song will come to mind during a night of fitful slumber. The song isn't anything that I consciously choose . . . it's a song that brings me peace and comfort.

When I am frustrated, I often think of the lyrics of some song (these songs take some deliberate thought) that are usually a tongue-in-cheek response to whatever I'm frustrated about. And usually something that I find myself chuckling over later.

One of my favorite musicals is "The Sound of Music." I could watch it again and again and every single song in that musical has a special message just for me. That's what good theater does--it says something unique to each individual.

Today, as I was reading through a daily devotion, I was reminded of one of my favorite scenes from "The Sound of Music." Do you remember the scene when Maria is sent from the Abbey to be the Von Trapps nanny and she is scared silly about it? She's walking to her destination--at first with some trepidation but later, we see her swinging her valise and singing to the top of her lungs about how confident she is that she will make a difference in the lives of the Von Trapp children. It's the whole point of the song that made me recall it . . . she has the confidence she needs to make a difference in the lives of others. Her confidence is totally selfless! 

Several years ago, I would have been described as an extremely self-confident person. Had I been Maria headed toward that new job, I wouldn't have had the slightest dread or worry. In fact, I would have been reveling in the prospect of a new job and even more excited that it was a huge challenge! You see, for me, the bigger the challenge, the better I liked it. Bring it on! I might not have all the answers, but I knew this about myself: I had the wherewithal to figure out what I didn't know!

Now, fast forward to 2008 . . . I had a high-powered job but during the couple of years before that, my health had started to decline. As my health deteriorated and my ability to face new challenges waned, so did my self-confidence. I believed that I lacked the ability to do anything meaningful. And I sank into a deep depression. Not because I was sick. Not because I didn't have a job. But because I believed I was in a situation that would keep me from achieving anything of much value.

I didn't know the lack of achievement was the problem at the time. When I had those feelings of worthlessness, I believed they were because I felt bad or because I felt hopeless about the future. But I learned later that those feelings of being so unworthy were born of a lack of achievement--an addiction that I'd had for more than 50 years! I had no idea that I craved it like an addict craves a drug, but for almost my entire life, even during grade school, my addiction--my coping mechanism--was achievement. It's how I defined myself and it's what made me feel valuable.

Well, you say, at least you weren't a drunk or a drug addict. But I might as well have been! When you take the ability to achieve success by the world's standards from a person who has defined herself by that, you've got a huge problem! Instead of this self-confident, tackle-the-world attitude, you've got a person who thinks she isn't worth a plug nickel! And that was me!

But over time, God began to work on me. And a couple of years ago, he started nudging me and then beating me over the head with this scripture passage: 
 
          2 Corinthians 12:9 ~ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient 
          for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore 
          I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that 
          Christ’s power may rest on me.

The Lord put that verse in my face all the time. I'm a little shocked that it didn't come to me in the form of a song, but perhaps if it had, I wouldn't have remembered it so well. Now, I've adopted it as my life verse. I even have a necklace that I wear that reminds me of what that verse means to me. 

Today, I needed to pull out this verse and say it to myself several times. And guess what happened this morning . . . I got a devotional in my in box that quoted this passage! Don't you just love it when God does that? Not only was he reminding me of His message and His blessing on my life, but He was giving me a new take on it! By the way, Lord, let me just say "Thanks for that!" one more time.

Like Paul, I had to come to know what I could do on my own. Paul knew it and so do I . . . now. He knew  he could accomplish absolutely nothing on his own! And I know it, too. All those years of achievement were pretty impressive, but I did none of it on my own, and all of it was nothing that matters in the long run. None of it matters one whit!

In the Bible Translation, The Message, my life scripture is paraphrased this way: 

While I have conceded to let the weakness happen (and I have conceded), I am still struggling with using the word "gift" to describe it, even though I know in my head that it IS a gift. 

Paul had great confidence. The prefix, “con” means “with” and the root “fid” means faith.”  So if I am confident, it means that I walk in faith. It means that I am holy, chosen, redeemed, a beloved child of God empowered by the Holy Spirit. On days like today, I wouldn't describe myself as confident. But when I look at what Paul had---and that he could boast in his weakness--I know that he had God-confidence. And I have that today even though in my body, I feel weak.

While I am not confident that I can walk upstairs and clean out a closet, I am confident that God loves me and He has chosen me for this "gift" that I am still struggling to receive. But He knows my struggles and He understands them. He knows that I want to accept the gift, freely and willingly and rejoice in it. He knows that I want to say "Even though I feel like a train ran over me today, I am empowered by Your Holy Spirit and you dwell in me." And there it is . . . I just said it and guess what? I believe it! I feel it! I know it's real!

I can do nothing of any lasting value without Him! But when I take whatever comes my way and abide in Him and allow Him to work through me, I can accomplish what He calls me to do. Cleaning out that closet won't matter 10 minutes from now, but doing the things that Christ has called me to do will live on and on. And when I remind myself that His grace is enough, I am confident. I am walking in faith that He will use my weaknesses to show the world that I am strong because I am justified, sanctified, and purified through the blood of Christ Jesus!
     
          Strength doesn't lie in numbers;
          Strength doesn't lie in wealth.
          Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
          When you wake up -- Wake Up!

          It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
          All I trust becomes my own.
          I have confidence in confidence alone . . .
          I have confidence (with faith) in confidence alone
          (with faith in Christ Jesus alone)!  
          Besides, which you see, I have confidence in me . . .

I have confidence that because of my faith in Him, and Him alone, that I am stronger even when I appear to be the weakest. The weaker I get--the more I die to self--the stronger I become in my walk with the one who possesses all the strength! The one who showed his strength in His death on the cross when the crowd saw Him at His most vulnerable. The man who walked this earth for 33 years knowing that He didn't have to flex His muscles or demonstrate Himself as a man of power and achievement. The man who tells me that when I trust in Him, all I trust becomes my own! 

Rusty and I have reached a stage in life where romance is defined so differently than when we first met. . . as you age and life happens, you simply appreciate a comfortableness that occurs with couples who have been through some stuff. So we find romance in the little things . . . a simple text exchanged in the middle of the day, an impromptu dinner out, a ride in the country scoping out flowers for a family function. I know! I know! It doesn't seem very exciting, does it?

But love and commitment aren't always exciting. There are life changes--job stresses; caring for and in our case, losing our parents; children leaving the nest; keeping up a house; and on it goes. But along with the hum-drum things that come our way come some amazing surprises! And this Valentine's Day, we got one of the best!

We were so excited to hear from Emily last Friday when she called to ask our plans for the following night. Since my boys are deploying this week, her reason for the visit was to catch up with them before they left the country. Because there are so many things to be done in preparation for their departure, I cautioned Emily we may not get everyone together, but assured her that we would have a good time even if it was just the four of us. 

Emily and Jeff got to our house around 6:30 PM just as I was putting the finishing touches on my makeup and plugging in the curling iron to do my hair. Rusty called out to me, "Come here!" 

I thought to myself, "This is stupid! I know they're here, and I'll be ready in two shakes!"

"Give me a minute!" I said

"Emily said you needed to come here!" he said a little louder.

I mumbled, a little annoyed at the interruption but so happy to see Emily and Jeff. 

I ran my fingers through my hair and walked into the den were Emily and Jeff were facing Rusty as if they were waiting for some profound message from him. Expressionless faces . . . just standing and sort of staring with this blank look although I did detect a little bit of a grin on Jeff's face. 

In his hand, Rusty held a red envelope and said that Emily had a Valentine's card for the two of us that we were to open together. Neither of us had our glasses so we couldn't read the darn thing, and as I took a couple of steps to the coffee table to retrieve mine, it hit me! There was a little more to this card than a simple gesture . . .

We're having a baby in our family! It's been about three years since we got one of these unexpected surprises, and as far as romantic evenings go, this night was one of the best ever! 

There is nothing in the entire world quite as romantic as watching the circle of life repeat itself in your children! I can only compare it to that walking on air feeling you get with your first big crush . . . ah, but this is soooo much better. And even this doesn't compare to the day in October when we welcome Baby Brown into our hearts and our family! 

Happy Valentine's Day!

For several months now, our family has been busy with preparations for the wedding of my husband Rusty's only child, Emily. She and fiancé Jeff have been a couple for about seven years, and as we've gotten to know Jeff, we've all decided he's a pretty great guy.

As word has gotten out that there will soon be a new marriage in our family, people have asked about the wedding and the man Emily is marrying. My standard reply is usually something like “Emily and Jeff are so compatible and I’m very happy for them.”

My response is not a pat answer--it's sincere because I really do believe they are a perfect fit for one another. They started their relationship as friends in high school and that friendship was cultivated until it eventually blossomed into a romance. And I believe that strong friendships often make for the best long-term relationships.

Marriage shouldn’t force you to give up the friendship part of your relationship. Your spouse should be your best friend. I saw a quote the other day, and it makes a good point about what marriage should be: “If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.”

My wish for Jeff and Emily is that as their relationship becomes more intimate that they will maintain the thing that brought them together in the first place—friendship! Your best friend is the person who still loves you—warts and all. Your best friend liked you (like is way more important than love in my book) before you even tried to impress them in a manner that you hoped would eventually win their love.  Friendship is what will sustain you during the hard times, and it will compel you to turn to one another during times of great joy and during times of unbelievable sadness. A great friendship is a place of refuge. Just like home, it’s the place you want to be in times of celebration and in times of frustration.

Frederick W. Robertson said, “Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence.  It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts.  It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.” Doesn’t that describe a phenomenal friendship equally as well? And to have a marriage that includes all of these things—freedom to be who we are, the ability to communicate everything in our hearts, to love and be loved without the slightest hint of self-consciousness—WOW! 

So to Emily and Jeff, the friends who have become lovers, may you have a marriage that is all of these things and more.

If you've seen my profile on my Facebook page, you've probably wondered about this little tidbit of information:

     My big claim to fame is that I know Josh Turner, the country singer, personally. I was responsible for putting him on a
    "big" stage for the first time. It's true! I have a magazine article to prove it!

One of my new Facebook friends picked up on it and was curious about how I came to know Josh and what led to my claim to fame. I promised her I would post about it in my blog, so here it is . . .

From 1992 through 1998, I worked for the Pee Dee Education Foundation, a nonprofit that raised money and initiated programs in the 18 rural school districts of the Pee Dee region. I can honestly say, it was the best job I ever had. I have a passion for education, and I loved taking a young organization and being given the freedom to make it grow.

The foundation didn't have a huge endowment, so I literally sang for my supper. If I didn't raise money, I didn't get paid! What I know about fundraising is that it's a lot more about friend raising than going out and asking for money. Name awareness and recognition of the organization's work is what brings the money in and keeps it coming in.

Since the day I took the job as executive director of the foundation, I had heard countless stories of a similar foundation in Raleigh that held an annual performing arts showcase called "Pieces of Gold" that raised thousands of dollars. The event was so successful that they  hired someone to work on it year round.

Sometime during my second year on the job, my secretary Joanne Creel and I decided we would go to Raleigh and find out what all the fuss was about. Two weeks before the performance, we had to beg, borrow, and plead to get tickets to the event held in a 1500-seat auditorium! We finally got our tickets and we headed to Raleigh to see the big show. The hype was all true! We were blown away by the talent and professionalism of the show!

The following year, the foundation board felt we were ready to stage our own "Pieces of Gold" so, with the help of my trusty sidekick Joanne, I set about to make it happen. We found a director for the show and she recruited stage hands and other help to manage the massive number of children who would perform. We came up with a name and branding so that the show would be highly recognizable from year to year. Our show was called "H'Artfelt Expressions"  and was held annually in February to tie in with Valentine's Day. Schools were contacted and asked to submit video auditions and the show's director and a panel of unbiased judges chose the 18 to 20 acts for the show.

The first show was held at the Florence Civic Center. Now, that is certainly not a venue that evokes a lot of excitement, but you need to know and recognize that the Pee Dee region is extremely rural. For most of the children who participated, singing on a celebrity-sized stage was a BIG deal. Many of those children had never traveled outside of their own home towns.

In discussing the show with the board, we wanted to do our best to include an act from every school district. But nobody auditioned from the tiny, rural school district of Hanna-Pamplico--District 3. It just so happened that my secretary, Joanne, lived in that school district, and when I asked if she thought we could get an act from th district, she said, "I know somebody!"

Joanne attends Union Baptist Church and one of the congregants there at the time was a young man named Josh Turner. Josh often sang at church functions and made no secret of the fact that his one aim in life was to go to Nashville and become a country singer. His inspiration was Randy Travis.

Joanne contacted Josh and he was more than anxious to send in his audition tape and let the judges take a look at his performance. I believe his audition song was "Diggin' Up Bones." After the judges selected the acts for the show, of course, Josh was one of them. Realizing his talent, they decided that he should be the final act just before the grand finale where more than 500 children would perform together. The audience was literally surrounded by children. Even now, when I think about it, that hairs on my arms stand up!

The selected acts were notified and the show's director verified what their performance would include to make sure it was age appropriate and suitable for our goal of recognizing the talent from the schools in the Pee Dee. Josh was still undecided about what he wanted to sing . . . "Miz Maaarrrtha, what about 'Diggin' Up Bones'?"

Well, for some reason, I just didn't want "Diggin' Up Bones" to be the last song of the evening, so I pondered on it a while and asked Josh if he would mind singing "Thank God for Kids." The seventeen-year-old boy sort of scrunched up his face, made a little groaning noise, and offered another suggestion. I promised Josh that if he would end the show with my selection that he could sing whatever he wanted to the following year. So he obliged.

The night of the show came and it was mass chaos! I was a nervous wreck about all the little details, but nevertheless, I had done my part to make it happen and the show was going on whether I was ready or not. It was time to take my place on the stage to introduce the show and then I would be banished to the audience to worry about whether everything was going okay backstage.

There were a few little glitches, but most of the acts were wonderful! I kept looking around at the audience and they seemed to be enjoying themselves. At least nobody left at intermission!

It was finally time for Josh to go on. True to form, he was dressed in jeans, a Western shirt, and a cowboy hat with his guitar in tow. Josh took the stage like a pro and squinted a little at the spot lights. The orchestra looked at Josh for their cue, and the star in him came out!

               If it weren't for kids, have you ever thought there wouldn't be no Santa Claus or look what the stork just brought?
               Thank God for kids! 
               And we don't live in a quiet house without Big Bird or a Mickey Mouse and Kool-Aid on the couch.
               Thank God for kids!
               Thank God for kids, there's magic for a while; a special kind of sunshine in a smile.
               If you ever stop to think or wonder why--the nearest thing to Heaven is a child . . .

I was so glad I'd been able to talk Josh into singing that song! It was even better than I'd imagined! All eyes were on him, and everybody in the audience knew this guy was something special! His rendition of the song was exceptional!

Just when I thought I couldn't be wowed any more, Josh wound up for the ending of the song . . . he reached up and took off his hat, held it over his heart, and dropped to one knee . . .

                When you get down on your knees at night and thank the Lord for His guiding light and pray they'll turn out right.
                Thank God for kids!  Oooh-ooh . . .

And then in that deep, bass voice that has now become so famous, Josh spoke the final phrase--Thank God for kids!   

People! The house came down! The audience was on its feet, applauding and cheering! For me, it was one of those mountaintop moments!

Josh performed in "H'Artfelt Expressions" the next year, and everyone involved with the foundation was predicting his fame. He graduated from high school and I knew that he was going to school in Tennessee and ultimately, he planned to go to Nashville to pursue his dream. But after that, I changed jobs and sort of lost track.

Several years later, I was headed down I-20 after a long day in Columbia. I was scanning radio stations somewhere around the Bishopville exit and stopped searching for a station when I heard a familiar voice come across the car speakers . . . I knew that voice! It wasn't anybody I'd heard sing on the radio before because at the time, I was not a big fan of country music.

I listened to the song and kept wracking my brain to try and remember where I had heard that voice. When the song ended, the announcer from WEGX-92.9 said, "That was Josh Turner from Hanna, South Carolina with his new, top-10 single, Long, Black Train!"

Woo-hoo! Josh had made it to Nashville! I was prouder than a peacock! And whenever I'm with somebody and one of his songs comes on the radio, I can't help but say: "I know him, you know?"