For several months now, our family has been busy with preparations for the wedding of my husband Rusty's only child, Emily. She and fiancé Jeff have been a couple for about seven years, and as we've gotten to know Jeff, we've all decided he's a pretty great guy.
As word has gotten out that there will soon be a new marriage in our family, people have asked about the wedding and the man Emily is marrying. My standard reply is usually something like “Emily and Jeff are so compatible and I’m very happy for them.”
My response is not a pat answer--it's sincere because I really do believe they are a perfect fit for one another. They started their relationship as friends in high school and that friendship was cultivated until it eventually blossomed into a romance. And I believe that strong friendships often make for the best long-term relationships.
As word has gotten out that there will soon be a new marriage in our family, people have asked about the wedding and the man Emily is marrying. My standard reply is usually something like “Emily and Jeff are so compatible and I’m very happy for them.”
My response is not a pat answer--it's sincere because I really do believe they are a perfect fit for one another. They started their relationship as friends in high school and that friendship was cultivated until it eventually blossomed into a romance. And I believe that strong friendships often make for the best long-term relationships.
Marriage shouldn’t force you to give up the friendship part of your relationship. Your spouse should be your best friend. I saw a quote the other day, and it makes a good point about what marriage should be: “If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.”
My wish for Jeff and Emily is that as their relationship becomes more intimate that they will maintain the thing that brought them together in the first place—friendship! Your best friend is the person who still loves you—warts and all. Your best friend liked you (like is way more important than love in my book) before you even tried to impress them in a manner that you hoped would eventually win their love. Friendship is what will sustain you during the hard times, and it will compel you to turn to one another during times of great joy and during times of unbelievable sadness. A great friendship is a place of refuge. Just like home, it’s the place you want to be in times of celebration and in times of frustration.
Frederick W. Robertson said, “Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.” Doesn’t that describe a phenomenal friendship equally as well? And to have a marriage that includes all of these things—freedom to be who we are, the ability to communicate everything in our hearts, to love and be loved without the slightest hint of self-consciousness—WOW!
So to Emily and Jeff, the friends who have become lovers, may you have a marriage that is all of these things and more.
My wish for Jeff and Emily is that as their relationship becomes more intimate that they will maintain the thing that brought them together in the first place—friendship! Your best friend is the person who still loves you—warts and all. Your best friend liked you (like is way more important than love in my book) before you even tried to impress them in a manner that you hoped would eventually win their love. Friendship is what will sustain you during the hard times, and it will compel you to turn to one another during times of great joy and during times of unbelievable sadness. A great friendship is a place of refuge. Just like home, it’s the place you want to be in times of celebration and in times of frustration.
Frederick W. Robertson said, “Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.” Doesn’t that describe a phenomenal friendship equally as well? And to have a marriage that includes all of these things—freedom to be who we are, the ability to communicate everything in our hearts, to love and be loved without the slightest hint of self-consciousness—WOW!
So to Emily and Jeff, the friends who have become lovers, may you have a marriage that is all of these things and more.
