I Have Confidence! 09/02/2011
I love musicals! Musical theater, movie musicals, I love them all! I know some people just can't get into musicals--something about a routine scene and then people bursting into song just drives them nuts. But honestly, don't we all have times when we wish life was like that? Times when a song was the resolution to our problems or the way we celebrated something wonderful? My brain works a little like a musical production. Seriously! There are so many times when a song comes to me and it is not a conscious choice. I know for certain that God uses music to speak to me because it's the language I best understand. It's the easiest way to reach me and through a song, I hear His voice more clearly. When I am troubled, usually a song will come to mind during a night of fitful slumber. The song isn't anything that I consciously choose . . . it's a song that brings me peace and comfort. When I am frustrated, I often think of the lyrics of some song (these songs take some deliberate thought) that are usually a tongue-in-cheek response to whatever I'm frustrated about. And usually something that I find myself chuckling over later. One of my favorite musicals is "The Sound of Music." I could watch it again and again and every single song in that musical has a special message just for me. That's what good theater does--it says something unique to each individual. Today, as I was reading through a daily devotion, I was reminded of one of my favorite scenes from "The Sound of Music." Do you remember the scene when Maria is sent from the Abbey to be the Von Trapps nanny and she is scared silly about it? She's walking to her destination--at first with some trepidation but later, we see her swinging her valise and singing to the top of her lungs about how confident she is that she will make a difference in the lives of the Von Trapp children. It's the whole point of the song that made me recall it . . . she has the confidence she needs to make a difference in the lives of others. Her confidence is totally selfless! Several years ago, I would have been described as an extremely self-confident person. Had I been Maria headed toward that new job, I wouldn't have had the slightest dread or worry. In fact, I would have been reveling in the prospect of a new job and even more excited that it was a huge challenge! You see, for me, the bigger the challenge, the better I liked it. Bring it on! I might not have all the answers, but I knew this about myself: I had the wherewithal to figure out what I didn't know! Now, fast forward to 2008 . . . I had a high-powered job but during the couple of years before that, my health had started to decline. As my health deteriorated and my ability to face new challenges waned, so did my self-confidence. I believed that I lacked the ability to do anything meaningful. And I sank into a deep depression. Not because I was sick. Not because I didn't have a job. But because I believed I was in a situation that would keep me from achieving anything of much value. I didn't know the lack of achievement was the problem at the time. When I had those feelings of worthlessness, I believed they were because I felt bad or because I felt hopeless about the future. But I learned later that those feelings of being so unworthy were born of a lack of achievement--an addiction that I'd had for more than 50 years! I had no idea that I craved it like an addict craves a drug, but for almost my entire life, even during grade school, my addiction--my coping mechanism--was achievement. It's how I defined myself and it's what made me feel valuable. Well, you say, at least you weren't a drunk or a drug addict. But I might as well have been! When you take the ability to achieve success by the world's standards from a person who has defined herself by that, you've got a huge problem! Instead of this self-confident, tackle-the-world attitude, you've got a person who thinks she isn't worth a plug nickel! And that was me! But over time, God began to work on me. And a couple of years ago, he started nudging me and then beating me over the head with this scripture passage: 2 Corinthians 12:9 ~ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. The Lord put that verse in my face all the time. I'm a little shocked that it didn't come to me in the form of a song, but perhaps if it had, I wouldn't have remembered it so well. Now, I've adopted it as my life verse. I even have a necklace that I wear that reminds me of what that verse means to me. Today, I needed to pull out this verse and say it to myself several times. And guess what happened this morning . . . I got a devotional in my in box that quoted this passage! Don't you just love it when God does that? Not only was he reminding me of His message and His blessing on my life, but He was giving me a new take on it! By the way, Lord, let me just say "Thanks for that!" one more time. Like Paul, I had to come to know what I could do on my own. Paul knew it and so do I . . . now. He knew he could accomplish absolutely nothing on his own! And I know it, too. All those years of achievement were pretty impressive, but I did none of it on my own, and all of it was nothing that matters in the long run. None of it matters one whit! In the Bible Translation, The Message, my life scripture is paraphrased this way: I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walk- ing around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, 'My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.’ Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now that I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size-abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. While I have conceded to let the weakness happen (and I have conceded), I am still struggling with using the word "gift" to describe it, even though I know in my head that it IS a gift. Paul had great confidence. The prefix, “con” means “with” and the root “fid” means faith.” So if I am confident, it means that I walk in faith. It means that I am holy, chosen, redeemed, a beloved child of God empowered by the Holy Spirit. On days like today, I wouldn't describe myself as confident. But when I look at what Paul had---and that he could boast in his weakness--I know that he had God-confidence. And I have that today even though in my body, I feel weak. While I am not confident that I can walk upstairs and clean out a closet, I am confident that God loves me and He has chosen me for this "gift" that I am still struggling to receive. But He knows my struggles and He understands them. He knows that I want to accept the gift, freely and willingly and rejoice in it. He knows that I want to say "Even though I feel like a train ran over me today, I am empowered by Your Holy Spirit and you dwell in me." And there it is . . . I just said it and guess what? I believe it! I feel it! I know it's real! I can do nothing of any lasting value without Him! But when I take whatever comes my way and abide in Him and allow Him to work through me, I can accomplish what He calls me to do. Cleaning out that closet won't matter 10 minutes from now, but doing the things that Christ has called me to do will live on and on. And when I remind myself that His grace is enough, I am confident. I am walking in faith that He will use my weaknesses to show the world that I am strong because I am justified, sanctified, and purified through the blood of Christ Jesus! Strength doesn't lie in numbers; Strength doesn't lie in wealth. Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers When you wake up -- Wake Up! It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to All I trust becomes my own. I have confidence in confidence alone . . . I have confidence (with faith) in confidence alone (with faith in Christ Jesus alone)! Besides, which you see, I have confidence in me . . . I have confidence that because of my faith in Him, and Him alone, that I am stronger even when I appear to be the weakest. The weaker I get--the more I die to self--the stronger I become in my walk with the one who possesses all the strength! The one who showed his strength in His death on the cross when the crowd saw Him at His most vulnerable. The man who walked this earth for 33 years knowing that He didn't have to flex His muscles or demonstrate Himself as a man of power and achievement. The man who tells me that when I trust in Him, all I trust becomes my own! Add Comment My (Indirect) Claim to Fame 04/20/2010
If you've seen my profile on my Facebook page, you've probably wondered about this little tidbit of information: My big claim to fame is that I know Josh Turner, the country singer, personally. I was responsible for putting him on a "big" stage for the first time. It's true! I have a magazine article to prove it! One of my new Facebook friends picked up on it and was curious about how I came to know Josh and what led to my claim to fame. I promised her I would post about it in my blog, so here it is . . . From 1992 through 1998, I worked for the Pee Dee Education Foundation, a nonprofit that raised money and initiated programs in the 18 rural school districts of the Pee Dee region. I can honestly say, it was the best job I ever had. I have a passion for education, and I loved taking a young organization and being given the freedom to make it grow. The foundation didn't have a huge endowment, so I literally sang for my supper. If I didn't raise money, I didn't get paid! What I know about fundraising is that it's a lot more about friend raising than going out and asking for money. Name awareness and recognition of the organization's work is what brings the money in and keeps it coming in. Since the day I took the job as executive director of the foundation, I had heard countless stories of a similar foundation in Raleigh that held an annual performing arts showcase called "Pieces of Gold" that raised thousands of dollars. The event was so successful that they hired someone to work on it year round. Sometime during my second year on the job, my secretary Joanne Creel and I decided we would go to Raleigh and find out what all the fuss was about. Two weeks before the performance, we had to beg, borrow, and plead to get tickets to the event held in a 1500-seat auditorium! We finally got our tickets and we headed to Raleigh to see the big show. The hype was all true! We were blown away by the talent and professionalism of the show! The following year, the foundation board felt we were ready to stage our own "Pieces of Gold" so, with the help of my trusty sidekick Joanne, I set about to make it happen. We found a director for the show and she recruited stage hands and other help to manage the massive number of children who would perform. We came up with a name and branding so that the show would be highly recognizable from year to year. Our show was called "H'Artfelt Expressions" and was held annually in February to tie in with Valentine's Day. Schools were contacted and asked to submit video auditions and the show's director and a panel of unbiased judges chose the 18 to 20 acts for the show. The first show was held at the Florence Civic Center. Now, that is certainly not a venue that evokes a lot of excitement, but you need to know and recognize that the Pee Dee region is extremely rural. For most of the children who participated, singing on a celebrity-sized stage was a BIG deal. Many of those children had never traveled outside of their own home towns. In discussing the show with the board, we wanted to do our best to include an act from every school district. But nobody auditioned from the tiny, rural school district of Hanna-Pamplico--District 3. It just so happened that my secretary, Joanne, lived in that school district, and when I asked if she thought we could get an act from th district, she said, "I know somebody!" Joanne attends Union Baptist Church and one of the congregants there at the time was a young man named Josh Turner. Josh often sang at church functions and made no secret of the fact that his one aim in life was to go to Nashville and become a country singer. His inspiration was Randy Travis. Joanne contacted Josh and he was more than anxious to send in his audition tape and let the judges take a look at his performance. I believe his audition song was "Diggin' Up Bones." After the judges selected the acts for the show, of course, Josh was one of them. Realizing his talent, they decided that he should be the final act just before the grand finale where more than 500 children would perform together. The audience was literally surrounded by children. Even now, when I think about it, that hairs on my arms stand up! The selected acts were notified and the show's director verified what their performance would include to make sure it was age appropriate and suitable for our goal of recognizing the talent from the schools in the Pee Dee. Josh was still undecided about what he wanted to sing . . . "Miz Maaarrrtha, what about 'Diggin' Up Bones'?" Well, for some reason, I just didn't want "Diggin' Up Bones" to be the last song of the evening, so I pondered on it a while and asked Josh if he would mind singing "Thank God for Kids." The seventeen-year-old boy sort of scrunched up his face, made a little groaning noise, and offered another suggestion. I promised Josh that if he would end the show with my selection that he could sing whatever he wanted to the following year. So he obliged. The night of the show came and it was mass chaos! I was a nervous wreck about all the little details, but nevertheless, I had done my part to make it happen and the show was going on whether I was ready or not. It was time to take my place on the stage to introduce the show and then I would be banished to the audience to worry about whether everything was going okay backstage. There were a few little glitches, but most of the acts were wonderful! I kept looking around at the audience and they seemed to be enjoying themselves. At least nobody left at intermission! It was finally time for Josh to go on. True to form, he was dressed in jeans, a Western shirt, and a cowboy hat with his guitar in tow. Josh took the stage like a pro and squinted a little at the spot lights. The orchestra looked at Josh for their cue, and the star in him came out! If it weren't for kids, have you ever thought there wouldn't be no Santa Claus or look what the stork just brought? Thank God for kids! And we don't live in a quiet house without Big Bird or a Mickey Mouse and Kool-Aid on the couch. Thank God for kids! Thank God for kids, there's magic for a while; a special kind of sunshine in a smile. If you ever stop to think or wonder why--the nearest thing to Heaven is a child . . . I was so glad I'd been able to talk Josh into singing that song! It was even better than I'd imagined! All eyes were on him, and everybody in the audience knew this guy was something special! His rendition of the song was exceptional! Just when I thought I couldn't be wowed any more, Josh wound up for the ending of the song . . . he reached up and took off his hat, held it over his heart, and dropped to one knee . . . When you get down on your knees at night and thank the Lord for His guiding light and pray they'll turn out right. Thank God for kids! Oooh-ooh . . . And then in that deep, bass voice that has now become so famous, Josh spoke the final phrase--Thank God for kids! People! The house came down! The audience was on its feet, applauding and cheering! For me, it was one of those mountaintop moments! Josh performed in "H'Artfelt Expressions" the next year, and everyone involved with the foundation was predicting his fame. He graduated from high school and I knew that he was going to school in Tennessee and ultimately, he planned to go to Nashville to pursue his dream. But after that, I changed jobs and sort of lost track. Several years later, I was headed down I-20 after a long day in Columbia. I was scanning radio stations somewhere around the Bishopville exit and stopped searching for a station when I heard a familiar voice come across the car speakers . . . I knew that voice! It wasn't anybody I'd heard sing on the radio before because at the time, I was not a big fan of country music. I listened to the song and kept wracking my brain to try and remember where I had heard that voice. When the song ended, the announcer from WEGX-92.9 said, "That was Josh Turner from Hanna, South Carolina with his new, top-10 single, Long, Black Train!" Woo-hoo! Josh had made it to Nashville! I was prouder than a peacock! And whenever I'm with somebody and one of his songs comes on the radio, I can't help but say: "I know him, you know?" See You at the Rainbow's End? 04/17/2010
As a child, I loved to sing--still do. I was one of those little girls with a soft, sweet voice and I picked up a lot of songs from Mama--songs she sang around the house as she puttered about cleaning and cooking. Other songs, I picked up from my aunts who all have beautiful voices. It's true--the Lane family is gifted with talent, especially singing. I remember my first solo in church . . . it was during a Christmas play, and while I don't remember the song, I have a vivid picture in my mind still. I must have been four or five, and I can see myself standing at the front of the left side of pews in the little country church. There was a Christmas tree in the middle and to the right, there was a huge oil heater. My hair was long and dark with just a hint of a flip at the ends. For my part in the holiday pageant, I wore pajamas. They were white with pink flowers--the kind with the feet in them. And I held a teddy bear in my chubby, little arms. It's funny how that picture in my head has always had a strong resemblance to my granddaughter Brennyn. When I look at her now, the memory of myself that Christmas often comes to mind. I do not remember being afraid or bashful, although I was pretty shy in those days. But I remember the people in the congregation smiling. Big smiles! I don't remember seeing anyone in my family among the crowd. I know they were there, but I suppose Mama was running around in the back somewhere making things happen as was her habit. As my Aunt Mary would say, Mama was "a doer." Most of my later stage appearances happened at Floyd Dale Elementary School. As a second grader, one of our favorite activities during recess was playing beauty pageant. Miss America was a really big deal in those days and since the girls outnumbered the boys, we won out and the boys were the judges. One of the low tables that served as desks for us wee ones was our make-shift stage, and the child-sized chairs were positioned--one on each end--to enable us to step onto the runway. Of course, the only segments of the pageant that we did were the interview portion and the talent competition. To this day, I am kidded about my selection for the talent portion . . . I always chose to sing "Moon River!" Always! This song I learned from my cousin Jo Ellen who is a couple of years older than I am. Her parents lived "in the city (Florence)", and were much younger than my parents. So the songs she heard were a little more current than my repertoire. I still remember her sitting in the front porch swing at Grandma and Granddaddy Lane's house singing "Moon River." I didn't have a clue what the words meant, but I was completely enchanted with the song. And I had no idea there was a movie called "Breakfast at Tiffany's" or that Audrey Hepburn sang the famous song as part of her role. Heck, I didn't even know there was anybody named Audrey Hepburn! The only person I had ever heard sing the song--other than Jo Ellen--was Andy Williams. Still, I loved the song--and I do to this day. Today, I came across a quote from Audrey Hepburn. Her advice was so wise that I felt it needed to be shared . . . For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. Like little girls in a beauty pageant, we often judge ourselves--and others--by how they look or what they accomplish. As for me, I'd like to be judged for my kindness. I'd like to be known as someone who looks for the good in people. I want to be remembered as a woman who shared her blessings with those less fortunate--not a woman who carried around extra pounds for a big part of her adult life. Aaaahh, to have children run their fingers through my hair every day is one thing that I know makes me feel beautiful. Who cares how my hair looks when they're done twirling and mussing it? I know that their little eyes see beauty. And now, more than 40 years after playing make believe as a contender for a crown, I have the poise of a queen. I have the knowledge that I never walk alone because Jesus walks beside me. Are we after the same rainbow's end, my friends? I sure hope so! O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go! 04/16/2010
For almost a month, the wedding of my husband’s daughter Emily has created a bustle of activity around our house. All the pre-nuptial parties have been a little over an hour’s drive for me and the things I’ve done to help Emily prepare for the wedding have been worked on late at night after Rusty was in bed. So while I was planning and partying, I had plenty of time to think about weddings and what leads to them—love! It’s not unusual for me to wake up in the morning with a scripture verse or a hymn stuck in my mind that, no doubt, results from the things that swirled around in my head for the majority of the day before. This morning, the voice in my head was humming the hymn “O Love That Will Not Let Me Go.” I have absolutely no idea why that particular hymn came to my mind because it’s not one that was sung very often in any of the churches I ever attended. I may have played it at a wedding a time of two, but the words of the hymn are not ones I could easily recall. The title line was about all that I could bring to mind. But there it was, several hours later, rolling around in my brain. I love music, but it drives me nuts when I can’t get a song out of my head—especially if it’s one I don’t know the words to. So, I finally sat down at my computer and turned to YouTube . . . Pretty awesome, isn’t it? I couldn’t help but wonder what compelled the lyricist, George Matheson, to pen such beautiful poetry, so I turned to Google . . . The history of the hymn is rooted in a wedding! Matheson’s sister was getting married and for reasons only a jilted lover can understand, Matheson stayed home. . . Years before, Matheson had been engaged to be married himself. Plans were being made for his own wedding when he began to experience problems with his vision. After seeing several doctors, Matheson was told that nothing could be done to save his sight. When his fiancé learned that her future husband was going blind, she told him she could not go through life with a blind man and broke the engagement. Matheson, now alone and facing a future without even a hint of light, continued his studies for the ministry. According to some theologians of his time it was believed that Matheson might have been the leader of the Church of Scotland had it not been for his blindness. He had written a learned work on German theology as well as a book, “The Growth of the Spirit of Christianity.” But critics gave mixed reviews of the book. Some declared it brilliant while others pointed out mistakes. Charged with being an inaccurate student, Matheson felt defeated and broken. When Matheson saw that his blindness could possibly be a fatal hindrance, he withdrew from his pursuit of theology and went into pastoral ministry. Finally, Matheson was led to a church where he regularly preached to a congregation of over 1,500. But he was only able to do this because of the care of his sister and now she was married and gone. His sister’s marriage brought a fresh reminder of his own lost love and he despaired over how he would manage to minister to his congregation without his sister’s help. In the midst of intense sadness, the Lord inspired Matheson to pen the beautiful hymn—written, according to his account, in five minutes! Listen to the words—the images they paint. Though Matheson had long since lost his sight, he had not lost the memories of God’s beautiful creations! “O light that followest all my way, I yield my flickering torch to thee; My heart restores its borrowed ray, That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day May brighter, fairer be.” Matheson seems to be saying that he yields his darkness to his Savior with the knowledge that his sight was only a borrowed blessing and the real light comes from his salvation. He claims the promise that he will one day know a brighter, fairer day in Heaven. Looking back over his life, Matheson once wrote that his was “an obstructed life, a circumscribed life… but a life of quenchless hopefulness.” Hopefulness! Matheson saw his suffering not as a hopeless situation, but as a mere obstruction. How could he maintain such hope in the midst of such trials? What a lesson for us! Matheson starts the hymn by saying he will rest his weary soul in the arms of his loving Savior. And he gives his life back to the one who created him so that his life may be fuller and richer. Then he says “I trace the rainbow in the rain, and feel the promise is not vain” The rainbow image is not for Matheson! He is claiming God’s promise and testifying to the Lord’s faithfulness even in the midst of great hardship! Precious Jesus, may I rest my weary soul in Thee at those times when I feel despondent. May I give you the life You’ve given me to use it as You will, knowing that Your love will never let me go! |
